


Shelter

by coldfusion9797



Category: Home and Away (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Friends, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Slash, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfusion9797/pseuds/coldfusion9797
Summary: A look at the bond between Dean and Colby. Set after the episode that aired in Australia on 07.10.20.
Relationships: Dean Thompson/Colby Thorne
Kudos: 7





	Shelter

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't played with these boys in a while. Colby is such a sociopath, which is why Dean's loyalty fascinates me, so I wanted to try getting to the bottom of it.

He does his best to keep busy, to not give himself too much time to think. Because if he stops, if he lets himself acknowledge where he is and what is really happening in his life, the fear will cripple him. And he needs to be strong, to be able to fight to keep his family together.

That's why he spends so much time with Taylor. While ever she is in his bed, he can focus on her, on the information he needs, the sex, the deception, anything but getting caught. And that's why tonight, he is struggling. He's in his own bed, alone. The flat is quiet, Bella is at Nik's, and Dean... Well, he stormed out, declaring that they aren't friends anymore.

That hurts, because everything he's done has been for them, so they can all stay together.

He hears the door, knows it's Dean, sulking back in after all the lights are off.

He sighs, and can't help thinking about how hard everything is, about all the ways he's let Dean down in the last ten years, about how absolutely amazing Dean is for forgiving him after the accident, and about how he deserves better, even now. Deep, deep down he knows Dean would be better off without him, but he can't let go, he needs Dean, has always needed him, just like Dean needed him in return. It's why they're best mates, they were there for each other, through all the shit and pain and struggle of growing up. They've always been different, but that's why it worked, they filled the gaps in each other's lives. Colby could always take care of himself, could always win the fights with the other kids, but Dean couldn't. He was too small and too malnourished to stand up to them, but he didn't have to, because Colby was always there to protect him. By being around he had made Dean's childhood a lot easier than it might have been. Willow had called him selfish earlier, told him off for not taking the time to get to know Jai, but even that is a whole other issue, because a part of him resents the kid, the idea that there might be someone in the world that Dean could love more than him.

And that's what Colby got out of it, their friendship, back when there were nights that Ross would be itching for a fight, maybe drunk, maybe pissed off at the world because some scheme didn't come off, maybe just looking to indulge his mean streak, and Colby could feel it, knew that he had to get out if he didn't want to end up in the hospital again, and the only place he had to go was to Dean, his refuge, the one person he could turn to that never told him how he should or shouldn't be, never said he was a wimp for running, never did anything but let him know he was wanted.

And that's why it hurts now, when Dean talks about turning against him, is telling him all the things he's doing are wrong. He knows how it looks, like he just takes and takes from Dean, but it wasn't always like that, he spent over a decade putting himself between Dean and the threats, always doing his best to shelter him from harm. He's still trying to do that now, because always the best thing for them was to stick together, and if they get caught, if they go to prison, they won't be together anymore. That thought is terrifying, the only thing that kept him going last time was his search for Bella, this time, all he would have is the weight of his failure.

And if it does happen, if they do end up going down for this, even if he can take all the blame and Dean walks free, they'll be apart. And if he does end up in a cell, with nothing to do but think, he knows his biggest regret will be driving Dean away, and not making the most of this time they did have.

xxx

He falls down on the bed, wishing he could relax and let this tension go, but he feels so wound up, like he's on the verge of snapping. He's scared, so scared, all the time, and now with Jai he has even more to lose. And Colby just doesn't get it, he's so damn selfish, doesn't care what he ruins as long as he keeps himself out of prison.

Dean climbs into bed, head still racing, temper still flared.

He hadn't always thought that about Colby, once he'd thought the day began and ended with him, his best mate had always looked out for him, could be trusted to take care of him, had protected him from more beatings and torment than he could say, and he knows he owed him, for making life that bit better than it might have been, but hasn't he paid enough? He's been to jail because of something Colby did, is lying to the cops now and risking it all because of something Colby did. Does he have to lose his son as well? He's already given Ziggy up. What he had with her was good, easy and normal, for a little while he hadn't felt like the freak from Mangrove River, the poor kid with ratty clothes and a dirty face, or the criminal, he was just another guy like everyone else, but Colby had managed to ruin that too.

He knows it doesn't make sense, to hold onto this loyalty so tight, but he can't forget the past, what it was like growing up, how good parts of it were, when the whole lot of it might have been an absolute nightmare. He has Colby to thank for that.

He hears the door of his room click open, feels a presence there, knows it's Colby and is equal parts tensed and calmed.

"Dean...?"

It's like when they were kids, Colby showing up in his room in the night, desperate and scared with nowhere else to go, and he hates how presumptuous Colby is being right now, thinking that he can just sneak in here like he used to and that all will be forgiven, but what he hates even more is that Colby is totally right, he can't not answer when Colby calls.

"Yeah..." he sighs, giving in. Because the thing that scares him the absolute most, is if he stays quiet, and this thing between them breaks, he'll never, ever have this kind of bond with another person again. Keeping quiet now would mean losing something completely irreplaceable, and he can't do that, isn't brave enough to, no matter whatever else it might cost him.

Colby climbs under the covers with him, and then they are laying side by side in the dark, like they used to, knowing that while ever the other one was there, they would both be okay.

Colby doesn't say anything, doesn't have to, him being here now says how scared he is, louder than any words ever could. And it falls to Dean, like it always did, to tell him it's gonna be alright.

"I won't give you up."

He means it to sound like he won't dob Colby into the cops, but as soon as the words come out his mouth, he knows it's more than that.

"I'm sorry," Colby says, speaking words into this space that Dean knows he could never bring himself to say anywhere else. "I let him win. I wanted it to be over, I wanted him to pay for everything he did to me, but even now, rotting in a shallow grave, he's managed to make my life hell."

Dean knows how much Ross hurt Colby, not just the broken bones and bruises, but the psychological damage too. It's easy to be angry at Colby when he does dumb, thoughtless things, but it's hard to blame him. He was raised by a monster and he's majorly messed up because of it. Ross was a psychopath, and his influence has made Colby a sociopath, someone who doesn't care about the consequences of his actions as long as he can protect himself. Dean knows that the kind, considerate boy he fell in love with is still in there somewhere, but the scar tissue makes him very hard to reach.

There have always been girls, because in Mangrove River boys don't love other boys. And then after the accident, after Colby left him, holding on to hope that one day things might change had just been stupid. So he'd let it go and moved on, he was used to life not working out the way he hoped. Then he found Ziggy, who was tough and fun, she liked cars, she liked to surf, she was a mate, and she had needed him. And he had loved her for all that, but not like this, not the deep, vital way he loves Colby, no matter how destructive this love might turn out to be.

"Whatever happens, and I mean that, whatever happens, I'll still be here."

It was that assurance he knows, that got Colby through all the hell Ross put him through and gave him a reason to fight.

"I know I ruined things," Colby offers. "Between us. I know I've let you down. I try not to think about it, ever, because it hurts too much. I hate what I've done to you. What I'm doing to you..."

Just to hear Colby acknowledge that is a miracle in itself, but he also knows that Colby is looking for comfort, so he gives it, because it's what he's always done, held Colby together in the dark, so that when the sun comes up he'll be strong enough to fight for both of them.

"Colby... It'll be alright."

How many times has he said that? Colby knows it too, feels it, the way it transports them back through the years, to a time when they both believed it, when they both put each other first all the time. Colby hears it, and knows what it means, that Dean still has faith in him. They can still be close, if the rest of the world would just go away, had just gone away, taken its prejudice and unfairness with it, they might have been happy together, the two of them.

Colby tucks in against him, knowing those words mean he's allowed to, and Dean strokes his hair like he used to, waiting for Colby's breaths to even out, for him to calm down and remember that this was all that mattered, being together.

"I can't do this anymore," Colby confides. It's not true, it's just the stress talking, he used to say that about living with Ross, but he always went back home, for Bella and his mum, and he'll pick himself up again this time too, for all of them.

Dean says what he used to say back then.

"Don't think about it until the morning."

Sometimes, just knowing you've got a few hours to switch off, to stop fighting, is enough.

Colby puffs out a breath against Dean's collarbone, half relieved, half overwhelmed.

Dean knows what it means, them being here like this, both being like they were, both saying through their actions that this bond stills holds, is still something they both want to keep alive.

"Dean… I've never loved anyone like I love you." Colby breathes the words, hot and damp, over Dean's skin and his own breath catches. Never in all the time they've spent together, has Colby admitted to that. It thrills him and scares the hell out of him at the same time, because it feels too much like a goodbye.

"Colby," he says, tilting Colby's chin up so he can see his face. "You know it, don't you? That I've loved you my whole life." He leaves the 'don't leave me' unspoken, if Colby can't figure that out himself then Dean isn't going to burden him with it. But the look in Colby's eyes says that he does understand, and that he also knows he's used it, pushed too far, knowing that Dean would always forgive him in the end.

And he also thinks that it doesn't mean quite the same thing to both of them. Love, that is. For Colby it has always been about what it gives him, how it makes him feel, but for Dean it was the opposite, always about how he could please Colby and make him feel better. Not that he cares about any of that right now, as long as Colby understands and promises not to give up.

"If we make it out the other side of this, maybe there's more for us." He has absolutely no idea how much truth is in that, or what the 'more' might be. It could just be the nostalgia talking, could be a train wreck waiting to happen because there's too much water under the bridge, but right now it only matters if it helps push Colby in the right direction, gives him something to hold on to.

Something softens in Colby's expression before he settles down against Dean, arm curling around him.

"Let's think about it in the morning..." he murmurs against Dean's skin, and as always, Dean will have to be satisfied that that's enough.


End file.
